


Illusions

by Yuko6754



Category: Gundam 00
Genre: Angst, Bittersweet, Canon Compliant, Canonical Character Death, M/M, Non-Explicit Sex, Substitution
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-16
Updated: 2013-04-16
Packaged: 2017-12-08 15:29:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,383
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/762990
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yuko6754/pseuds/Yuko6754
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It took several months, but Tieria finally found out a way to deal with the loss of Neil Dylandy. </p><p>Phsyical Lyle/Tieria | Implied Neil/Tieria, Lyle/Anew</p>
            </blockquote>





	Illusions

It was amazing that the same act could feel both so right and yet so wrong at the same time. 

Lyle's weight on top of Tieria was different. Lyle's rhythm was different.

So much was different.

Neil used to have a schedule: they would alternate staying in each other's rooms three or four nights a week (less if they thought there may be an attack, of course), and occasionally they wouldn't even have sex. Sometimes they would just rest beside one another after everyone else on the ship had gone to bed, with Neil's low, smooth-as-silk voice whispering everything about nothing into the air.

Lyle would sometimes call Tieria to his room day after day, and other times he would avoid the Innovator completely and hardly give him so much as a passing glance. And those days when he did call Tieria to him? Nothing happened between them other than sex, a mutual release of lust and passion that they both desperately craved. They used each other because the center of their affections could never physically return their feelings.

Yet sometimes - just sometimes - it was so familiar that Tieria felt afraid.

_His scent. . . ._

Lyle smelled just like Neil. Tieria noticed that after the second time they had sex, when he had collapsed, exhausted, onto Lyle's chest, panting quietly. As long as Tieria closed his eyes, he could breathe in Lyle's scent and be reminded of the man he loved.

_His voice. . . ._

Of course they sounded the same. If Tieria closed his eyes, then he could imagine that the moans came from Neil rather than Neil's younger twin. If only they didn't have that no talking rule, and if only Lyle would say his _name_ , then Tieria could really imagine that it was Neil.

_His face. . . ._

The most disconcerting similarity that Tieria noticed was how the two looked so much alike – no, not even that. They looked like the exact same person. Tieria could still remember the flurry of emotions he experienced the first time he saw Lyle Dylandy – the new Lockon Stratos.

Shock because Lockon – _Neil_ – was _dead_ and lost, yet here he was right in front of his eyes.

Anger at Setsuna because he had brought Lyle in even while knowing what Tieria’s relationship with Neil had been.

Anger at himself for letting such irrational emotions cloud the fact that the Gundam Meisters _needed_ a Lockon Stratos, no matter if it was Neil or his identical twin brother.

Sorrow and resignation because he knew he would have to spend every single day looking at and interacting with a carbon copy of _his_ Lockon.

Somewhere, briefly, Tieria wondered if he was being punished, and if he was, he decided that he might as well make the best of things.

So he took what comfort he could from Lyle’s body.

XxXxX

Tieria still had Veda, and he knew that. However, while Veda could show him images, fleeting moments of the person whose life had been cut all too short, it couldn't give him that warmth. The feeling, the sensation of being _touched_. That was something only Neil and Lyle (Tieria had to admit it was possible with Lyle, though it was as painful as it was euphoric) could give him.

Veda used to be the most important in his life until Lockon, no, until _Neil_ had nosed his way in. And even with Neil gone, Veda was still no longer a central part of Tieria's life.

No.

That place would be forever claimed by a man who had given his life on a ridiculous - and totally suicidal - gambit.

XxXxX

"You'll do."

Those two words, so totally simple, cut through Tieria completely. He let it hurt for a few seconds, let himself wallow in self-pity ( _just a thing, just a toy to be used, poor, sad Tieria_ ), and then he snapped out of it.

Because it was all perfectly fair. Lyle was right. Tieria _would_ do.

Just like Lyle would do for Tieria.

XxXxX

They never had any actual discussions while they fucked. In fact, the one time that they had exchanged more than ten words to each other was during one of Tieria's little slip-ups (a thing that he ceased to do altogether after just a few nightly meetings).

"Neil. . . ."

" _No_."

Tieria opened his red eyes, dazed with pleasure, and looked up at Lyle in confusion.

Emerald eyes looked back at him, cold, but glazed with their own pleasure.

( _Those eyes are exactly like his. They could be his; I just have to imagine. . . ._ )

"Eh. . . .?"

"No names. Not unless you want me to call _her_ name when I'm fucking you."

Tieria flinched at the very thought. At least Neil was another man; the one Lyle wanted to call out to was a _woman_. That was unacceptable, even if she was an Innovator like Tieria.

Toes clenching, Tieria bit down on his tongue to stifle a moan when one of Lyle's thrusts hit just right. Still biting his lip, Tieria nodded in agreement, in confirmation: no talking. No calling of names. Just vocalizations of pleasure (cries, moans, groans, whimpers, whines, pleas). Nothing more.

"Good." The word was growled from between clenched teeth, and all conversations between them ceased during sex.

That was during their fourth nightly meeting. They'd rarely spoken since.

And now . . . now they'd seen each other countless times. So often that Lyle knew exactly where to push, where to touch to make Tieria go crazy. He fixated a little too much on Tieria's chest for the Innovator's liking, but Tieria knew that Lyle was acting out his own fantasy, just as Tieria was. He knew Lyle was picturing _her_ when they fucked, and that was fine, so long as Lyle didn't call her name when he came. Tieria didn't call out to Neil so it was only fair. Courtesy, mutual understanding.

It could all end any day. It could end when either he or Lyle was finally killed in battle. It could happen whenever Lyle got tired of fucking him ( _'Though that would mean he would have to use his hand,'_ Tieria thought, _'because neither Setsuna or Allelujah would ever oblige to being his little toy. Not like I have.'_ ). As for Tieria . . . he knew he would never be able to give this up. It was too good. Too easy to forget that Neil was gone ( _dead, lost forever in the unforgiving blackness and endlessness of space_ ). Too easy to lose himself to the thrusting, the tangle of limbs ( _of a body so familiar and yet so alien to him_ ), the sounds, the sensations, and the scent of sex.

No. Tieria could not relinquish it. And he would never want to.

XxXxX

When Ribbons made his move, and when Tieria defied him, when it finally reached the end and the bullets tore through his flesh, he felt no physical pain. He felt a dull throbbing where the bullet entered and exited . . . but he felt no actual pain. What hurt was his heart.

When he died (because he _knew_ he would die - he could see Ribbons raising the gun again, and the barrel was pointed directly at his head), would he get to see Neil again? What if Neil hated him? Hated him for allowing himself to be fucked by his younger brother, just because they looked alike? Would he even _see_ Neil? Or would everything go dark and cold? He supposed he would become a part of Veda, though that was hardly something he himself wanted anymore.

For awhile everything did go dark. And he did see Neil. And there was no hatred. Only a sad understanding, a forlorn smile.

That made Tieria feel worse.

The meeting was brief. Tieria didn't even know where they were, nor could he be bothered to care, because Neil was right there, smiling and holding his arms open for an embrace. And then . . . suddenly it was as if nothing had changed. He was surrounded by warmth, security, love, all things that had been lacking while he'd slept with Lyle.

And it was _good_.

He may become a part of Veda sooner or later (most likely sooner, as fate did not seem to look too kindly upon him), but for now . . . for now it was all right. It was good. He was where he belonged.

In Neil's arms.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not entirely sure if this is 100% canonically accurate. I've only seen the show once, and that was several months before I even started this. The part I'm most unsure about is the ending concerning Ribbons. If any glaring inaccuracies are spotted (or even an tiny inaccuracies) then let me know so I can fix it!
> 
> Maybe I'll write a happy thing with Clear and Aoba because those two are the cutest people to ever cute (especially Clear).


End file.
